Today I wanted to talk about my personal postpartum journey & how I saw myself.
Let's start with the fact that my doctor strictly told me I wasn't healthy if I gained more than 30 lbs, & when I went in for my induction I was just about 50 from my pre baby weight.
I chose to breastfeed because I heard that's how you lose all the weight, but it was fucking hard & I ended up bottle feeding (yet still have the post bf boobs).
I saw so many ladies on instagram bouncing back like it was nothing. I was struggling. HARD. I thought to myself that I needed to be doing more when in reality I could barely walk, & sleep was non existent.
I had such a negative mindset, I told myself awful things, & I was disgusted at how my body looked.
Now I look back and feel so dumb. I want to tell myself: You had JUST had a baby, YOU PUSHED A HUMAN THE SIZE OF A WATERMELON OUT OF YOUR BODY. Stretch marks fade, your body grew a human, you are fucking strong.
Ladies don't talk enough about how amazing it is, to just give birth. We talk about "this is how you lose the weight" or "here's the diet I was on after I had mine" and you know what that's fucking great for you dude. But at 20 years old seeing the only things that come up when searching postpartum, being weight loss. I thought I was failing. Everly was fed, she was happy, she was the best thing ever. I was so focused on the fact that I had a lot of loose skin, I was still 30lbs heavier than before I had her, & I needed a quick fix.
I tried teas, wraps, starving myself & I was so unhappy.
I gave up on myself, on my health, on my well being pretty much.
I wanted to start working out, then I realized " holy shit my body can't do the same things it did before" so I quit.
I tried to eat better, but I felt like I didn't have time, I didn't want to not eat the Zaxbys Blayke was having for dinner, so I just quit.
Finally after a year of being "postpartum" & cyber stalking so many Beachbody coaches on social media I signed up. I decided I was done feeling like shit in my body. I wasn't necessarily looking to be a swimsuit model, but to tone up.
I wanted total in love with the body that gave me the best baby girl in the world.
I needed the community of women who just wanted to be fit, like me.
Today, I still work my ass off, not because I'm looking to be a certain weight.. but because I can. & I really love food.
Everly is getting older, she may still be little but I never want her to see me being negative about my looks, or my body. I don't want her to grow up with the thought that she has to be skinny to feel beautiful. She is always watching, she watches me workout, she watches me sing in the car, she watches me dance, & she will remember these things. I want her to grow up knowing that real women can be happy even if they're not a size 00, real women have stretch marks & cellulite, & that all bodies are beautiful.
Mamas know, they learn from you.
They will develop your habits.
Try to love yourself a little extra today.
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