This year we get to endure Blayke's first deployment. 9 months apart after just getting him back from training for 4 months. We were prepping for it since we moved to El Paso, we knew it was coming, I had time to mentally prepare to basically be a single mom for a big chunk of the year. Dropping him off at the airfield that day I was putting on a brave face, because I knew how hard it was for him to leave Everly again, I knew me getting worked up wouldn't make things easier. As we said goodbye I kissed him, held him close, & shed a few tears..
It wasn't until I turned right out of the parking lot that I let the ugly crying out, you know the kind i'm talking about.. there's tears, snot, spit, the whole Kim K meltdown. I was kinda losing my shit, which I mean I had to leave my best friend, knowing I wouldn't get to pick him up for a long time.
ANYWAYS, the first week I tried to stay busy, having a toddler who is constantly on the go helped.. (kinda)
Getting into a routine didn't help much, the days dragged on, & since I have such bad anxiety driving we didn't go out to do much (even though EP isn't very toddler friendly)
Everly started speech therapy & now we had a reason to leave the house twice a week.
We facetimed Blayke as much as possible, even though we were on different sleeping schedules, we tried to make it work.
I started to blog, I worked out daily, I made sure we left the house at least to play outside once a day.
Do you know what a wife doesn't want to hear during deployment?
1. "you knew what you signed up for"
thank you, you're right! We knew deployment was a possibility, doesn't mean it doesn't fucking suck :)
2. "I couldn't do it"
Well, if 9 months apart is too much for you.. I feel bad for your spouse.
3. "it'll go by fast"
OH! WHEW! thank you, I thought it was 9 months, but you're saying it's a fast 9?
4."at least Everly doesn't understand yet"
You're right, she totally thinks her daddy lives in the phone.
Yes, people say those things to me. Family, friends, people who see me with Evs & ask where her daddy is. I am a semi strong person & will put a smile on my face but holy shit. Being alone in El Paso with no one planning on coming to see us, with no one planning to come help.. now that we are home everyone wants us to come over. BLOWS MY MIND.
*Well real quick let me set the record straight, I don't drive because we were in a wreck in December that has given me HORRIBLE anxiety driving pretty much anywhere.*
Everly is about to turn two, this is another year her daddy has to miss her birthday because he is working. There is a lot he misses because of the army, that's how it goes. We did know this, doesn't make it hurt any less. I still cry when I miss him, I still feel overwhelmed when I have to parent alone, or when things happen that I wish he was here for. Deployment is hard, on Blayke, on Everly, on me. There is no doubt about it.
We are a little over halfway through, & I cannot wait to have my husband back.
I can't wait for it just to be our little family again.
We love you Blayke Allen
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